Resolutions

It’s time to start thinking about what major changes we all need to make to our lifestyles for the coming year. It’s also important that we remember to tell everyone we know that we’re doing this to maintain an air of superiority over them.

Eating

Food is great. Without it we’d probably all be dead. Winter eating is a whole different kettle of fish though.

News

2014 has been quite a year for ranting, and as long as this world continues to be so shit-filled the rants will continue for an incredibly long time.

"Inbox Me"

My phone makes a familiar sound. I look at it. I’ve just received a new email. Who’s it from? Why it’s some prick telling me I could, possibly, just once, a long time ago have been mis-sold PPI. I doubt it.

Public Transport

“A return to Hull please,” I said to the bus driver.

Crap

Pets are great. They keep you company and generally ensure your sanity remains intact. You can get good exercise taking them for walks too.

Games

Games can be fun and games can be educational. Sometimes though, games can be hugely frustrating, time-consuming and can fill you full of murderous rage.

Parenting

I understand that for parents, their kids are the most important thing in the world. I understand this because of the 9,000 photos people upload to Facebook every time their son or daughter blinks/does something cute. What I don’t understand is some people’s attitude towards parenting.

Black Friday

In the US, they traditionally follow a day of eating turkey and being thankful for land they stole from the natives by going shopping. Why not? I know I always feel like abusing my credit cards right after I force indigenous people out of their homes.

We're Going down the Pub

“Let’s go for a pint,” is always a suggestion you want to hear. Unfortunately, the place you choose to go to for said pint might induce rage.

Health

Isn’t this country’s health system the best in the world? It might once have been, but the way it is right now is a joke.

Sweet Treats

Remember when Wagon Wheels were the size of dinner plates? Remember when a Curly Wurly used to be three feet long? Remember when Skittles tasted like freshly-squeezed fruit juice that was dripped into your mouth via a pipette?

Television

I don’t have a TV. There’s never really anything worth watching anyway and I can watch the few things that appeal to me online without the need to line the pockets of the paedophile-enablers at the BBC.

'Tis The Season

It’s far too early for talk of Christmas.

Remember, Remember...

Bonfire Night is fun for all the family. Unless you’re a family of hedgehogs. Or someone with ears.

The Royal Family

“We all love them,” people say. No we don’t. They’re a burden on the taxpayer.

The monarchy costs each of us 56p every year. While that isn’t a significant sum for anyone to spend (I just spent almost that much on a sausage roll), it would be nice to have the choice.

Charity

So, we’re supposed to boycott Morrison’s, are we? The people are angry and it’s all over social media.

Racism

People don’t understand what racism is anymore.

Injustice

So, the world’s greatest Paralympian and nocturnal gun use enthusiast Oscar Pistorius has finally been sentenced. Only five years for killing someone? The “I didn’t mean it” defence is clearly the way to shave time off a potentially lengthy sentence.

Book

As many of you are probably aware, since you follow me on Twitter, I have recently published a book.

Unemployment

Having recently found myself unemployed yet again, I decided to bite the bullet and claim benefit, which I haven’t done since I was 18.

Religion

What can I really say about religion? I could just have said “it’s all bollocks” and then posted it, but that would be unfair. Instead I’m going to briefly talk about why it’s bollocks and hopefully that will be enough. Also note that I refuse to use capital letters for ‘god’ or the words ‘he’ and ‘him’ when talking about the made-up deity.

Interview

I had a job interview on Thursday. I know I’ve ranted about job searches before, but this is an entirely new rant.

Car Boot Sales

We had a load of assorted junk we wanted rid of, but listing it all on eBay takes far too long. Standing in a field for 6 hours topping up my sunburn was a much more viable alternative.

Budget Airlines

It’s nice to travel to foreign countries and a plane is obviously the quickest way to get there.

Ice Bucket Challenge

Is your Twitter/Farcebook feed full of “hilarious” videos of people emptying receptacles of near-zero degree water over themselves? Are you as annoyed about this as I am?

Computers

I was going to just mess about on the internet this morning, but it’s being so slow. Just slow enough to piss me right off.

Language

I hate typos, but I hate people who write “typo’s” even more. It came to my attention that my last post contained a typo. Obviously I’ve fixed it now, otherwise this rant would have no meaning.

Cinema

I sometimes like to go and see the latest cinematic releases. Every few months I get the urge to do this and am left in a state of fury.

Work

Looking for work can be a testing time, but why is it made so difficult? Applying for jobs online should be done with the quick press of a button, not a series of meaningless forms.