Work

Looking for work can be a testing time, but why is it made so difficult? Applying for jobs online should be done with the quick press of a button, not a series of meaningless forms. 

First step: upload your CV. Fine, I’ve done that. 

Second step: please fill in your complete work history from the dawn of time. What? It’s on my CV that YOU just asked me to upload. 30 minutes later…

Third step: please list all your qualifications. What do you think is on my CV? Recipes for my mother’s apple pie and such? You’re making me jump through a lot of hoops here. Fine, I want your stupid job so I’ll do it.

Fourth step: why are you the ideal candidate for this job? I’m not, but I’m hoping I can bullshit my way through it better than anyone else. The usual tosh about being a team player, working well under pressure and never having killed a previous workmate (or at least been prosecuted for it) gets thrown around.

Fifth step: please provide the names and addresses of two referees. That’s fair enough, I suppose. I’ll avoid anything suspect like the dominatrix from a local S&M club or a Catholic priest.

Sixth step: thank you for your application. Please complete a numeracy and aptitude test. Ok, they must have liked my application. I can spend half an hour answering simple maths questions and lying about my personality traits.

15 minutes later: ooh, I’ve got an email from them! “Sorry, but you are not being considered for an interview for this position”. Well thanks very much for having me waste an hour of my life dancing to your tune, you fucking bastards. 

Repeat until dead.