Bangers and Cash

Sausages. Inexplicably popular among talking dogs and domestic abuse-promoting puppet shows.

They’re great for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Why am I ranting about them? Mostly because this is a rant requested by @cailleach69 on the Twitter.

Sausages are, in fact, fantastic. Most sausages you get from a supermarket or a local butcher are perfectly acceptable.

What is less fantastic is the growing popularity of weird sausages – Iron Age rare breed pulled pork with apple and cinder toffee stuffing artisan bangers anyone?

Such experimental flavours are the staple of farmers’ markets. What makes them so special? It’s genius really. They sell five different-sized sausages in a clingfilm-wrapped pack (it’s always five for some reason, making sharing them at mealtimes virtually impossible) for “only” a tenner. They often taste “unusual” (or awful), but the masses claim to love them. “I simply love the ones with fifteen year-aged black pudding and popping candy,” one such foodie mentalist might claim. It’s the Emperor’s New Clothes of cuisine.

It’s all possibly the fault of the farming enthusiast friend of a certain lithping, mockney TV chef. Yes, Jimmy Doherty, I’m looking at you.

And even fast food sausages aren’t safe either.

Ever visited a continental market and realised you’re hungry? Oh look, there’s someone selling hotdogs. A man wearing lederhosen is cooking them over a pit of fire and serving them in are-they-crusty-or-are-they-just-old rolls. He appears to  be putting on an accent that sounds like Lieutenant Gruber in ‘Allo ‘Allo and thinks it’s ok to relieve you of a fiver for the experience.

These faux-German hotdog sellers are the absolute wurst.