We’re having
our bathroom done. It was actually meant to be done while we were on holiday,
but we got back from our holiday 245 hours ago and it’s still not finished.
“Greetings,
I am the Dan Dare of plumbing,” proclaimed the wet-behind-the-ears,
just-finished-his-apprenticeship, raring-to-go young man.
I was
sceptical.
“I shall
work at a fraction of the cost of other, lesser plumbers and I shall be finished
in five days,” he added.
Done.
The old
bathroom was more or less stripped down and the new shower, toilet, basin and
other bits and pieces were bought and left in the house for him to get a start
on while we buggered off to Wales for a few days.
On day two
of the holiday he called to say that the hundred pounds he’d been left to buy
pipes and a few other magic plumbery things had run out. “It’ll be about
another fifty quid,” he said with confidence.
He also said
he’d need to get a plasterer in to help out. That would cost another £120.
“Fine, as
long as it’s finished,” we told him.
We arrived
back on what was his fourth day of working.
The bathroom
looked like a bombsite. As did the rest of the house.
He wasn’t a
believer in putting down dust sheets, working tidily or not trampling bits of
concrete, plaster and dust into every single floor surface.
More
disturbingly, next to bugger all had been done.
There was a
pile of invoices on the kitchen table. It was more than £50, a lot more.
The next day
after the plasterer had been, we found some empty beer cans in the bathroom. Clearly the plasterer likes getting
plastered, I thought, whilst not
being amused in the slightest.
The “fifty quid”
has since become £300 and he’s been out on our time to buy supplies a total of
twelve times.
This would
be forgivable if the work was complete, or even if the work done so far was of
a high standard, but it’s not. Someone with no eyes or arms would have done a
better job.
He has
neglected to attach an external pipe, so the water now pisses straight into the
garden from the first floor. We currently have a toilet that leaks and no basin
or shower in the bathroom. In addition
he’s made another basin leak, possibly fucked the boiler and cut a piece of
counter with the same accuracy as Michael J Fox.
The upstart
even had the audacity to ask when he would be paid for the job that has more
than doubled in both time and cost. And he moved my iPod docking station from
the kitchen to the bathroom so he could use it without asking, the prick.
All is not
lost, he’s promised it’ll be finished “tomorrow”.
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