Snow Joke

It snowed here today as it did in lots of other parts of the country.

It wasn't a huge amount of snow and it only came down for about an hour. It laid or settled quickly, depending on which way you like to describe it. There wasn't a great deal on the ground when it stopped – possibly a couple of inches of quite slushy stuff.

Not much drama really. Wrong.

The papers were full of “Snow Chaos Disrupts Thousands” and “Fuck Me, It's Snowing” headlines. Trains were cancelled and there was a very real threat of “Snowmageddon” or whatever ludicrous term meteorologists were about to coin for it. Sky News probably sent Kay Burley to somewhere it was snowing so she could annoy people in her own inimitable way.

It seems that due to some people's inability to stop driving like dickheads, several roads were closed. Cars had skidded off roads and into hedges and buildings, other cars had crashed into other cars and there was even a report that a truck had jack-knifed. Hadn't it occurred to anyone that due to the change in conditions they should perhaps slow down a little and keep their distance from other motorists? Of course not. Accidents are things that happen to other people.

Children doubtlessly sat in their classrooms, daydreaming of sledging, making snow angels and being force-fed yellow snow by older kids after school. They were unable to realise any of these things though as it all melted within three hours.

Students and the unemployed wouldn't even have got out of bed by the time it was gone.

I'm sure many local councils were momentarily panicked about a potential cold snap, having sold most of their grit to buy drugs several years ago, so they will have breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The Daily Express will have to shelve tomorrow's planned headline of “Day After Tomorrow-Style Weather Signals End Of Days” at least for another year as winter is probably now over.