Insurance

As you may be aware, I was forced to buy a new phone just a couple of weeks ago.

While I was buying the phone, the assistant asked if I wanted insurance for “only £6.50”.

It sounded too good to be true, so I asked: “Is that per month or a one-off payment?”

“It’s just a one-off charge,” he answered. There’s no way that could be misinterpreted, is there?

Today the paperwork arrived.

“Monthly premium: £6.50,” it stated.

Now that surely wasn’t right. The £75 excess had also not been mentioned previously.

I rang EE and navigated their complicated menu system, where I was greeted by a chirpy Geordie.

“Whey, what can ah dee for ye, like?” he asked.

I explained about the insurance I had been mis-sold.

“Ah divven’t knaa if I can help ye, like. Ah’ll put ye through to one of wor sales team.”

The call was transferred to a girl who couldn’t have been less sympathetic.

“Obviously I’m sorry to hear that you claim you were mis-sold the insurance,” she said in a tone that clearly conveyed her lack of sorriness.

I was annoyed when I initially phoned, but now I was furious. I claimed to have been mis-sold it? Not only didn’t she care, she didn’t believe me.

“I want to cancel the insurance,” I said.

“Why?”

“Were you not listening? You want me to pay £78 a year when I thought it was only going to cost me £6.50.”

“Let me tell you what your policy covers and then you can decide.”

They’re clearly trained to give it the hard sell.

“I still want to cancel it.”

“We can give you a discount of £1 per month for 24 months.”

“So I can pay £66 a year instead of what I thought was £6.50? Err, no thanks.”

“Do you still want to cancel?”

“Yes, I thought that was obvious.”

“If you cancel it you’ll no longer be insured,” she added in case I hadn’t understood that this was how it worked because I’m obviously a simpleton.

“I’m fine with that.”

“If your phone breaks you won’t get a replacement.”

“I will if there’s a problem with the phone.”

“No you won’t.”

“You’re telling me that if the phone stops working, through no fault of my own, that you won’t replace it or give me a refund?”

“I don’t know. I only deal with the insurance.”

That was that cleared up then.

I started to feel like Chandler in Friends when he wanted to quit the gym and then the bank, but I wasn’t giving up.

“Is it cancelled now?” I asked.

“Yes, it’s cancelled. You no longer have insurance.”

“That’s fine. There’s no fee to cancel, is there?”

“No. Nor is there a fee if you wish to start having insurance again. Would you like insurance?”

These people really don’t give up. I hung up and wondered if I should actually have insurance and half expected my phone to suddenly burst into flames just so EE would have the last laugh.

It didn’t though, so chew on that, EE.