Dining

We’ve all been there before: in a shop, pub or café and those who work there start having a loud, private conversation. Annoying, isn’t it?

Here’s what happened today as I attempted to enjoy lunch.

I was in Wagamama with my girlfriend, which I usually find to be enjoyable. The food always arrives quickly, it’s reasonably-priced and they generally don’t mess about.

We chose to sit in a booth, an idea which seemed sensible at the time. We could have sat absolutely anywhere as we were their first customers of the day. The booth looked like the most comfortable option anyway.

Sadly it was right next to where staff members like to congregate for a chat.

As I munched my way through a chicken katsu curry, I heard a small Spanish waiter (no, he wasn’t a moustachioed type from “Barthelona”) make a kind of casual “I like your hair” comment to a waitress who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but there. I then had to endure her five minute monologue about how the colour would be gone after five washes and how overpriced it was and blah, blah, fucking blah.

It was becoming increasing difficult to chew as my teeth were clenched.

I was then treated to a new conversation, based on the opening statement “I tend to eat more when I’m on a diet”. I attempted to tune out what was being said, but you can only imagine the utter bollocks that was spouted. I resisted the urge to facepalm dramatically.

Another waitress joined in to complain that she had to do all of her hours for the week today. Surely that meant she could have the rest of the week off, which has to be a good thing?

I didn’t say anything, despite wanting to yell at them to stop impeding the enjoyment of my dining experience and to at least pretend to do some work.

Some of you might think it’s a bit hypocritical of me to pan people who were essentially slacking off. The difference has always been that when I’ve done it, I’ve done it out of the sight of customers. Mostly.

"Was everything ok with your meals?" the Spaniard asked as he cleared away our plates.

"Yes, it was lovely," I replied. This wasn't a lie, as the food was great and couldn't be faulted. I then didn't add: "All the small talk really fucked me off though, and as a result you'll be the subject of a colossal online rant this evening."

Anyway, they’ll know they pissed me off as I didn’t leave them a tip. They’d probably only have spent it on expensive, but ineffective hair products.