Wasps

“I wanna be somebody, be somebody too,” sang Blackie Lawless, frontman of 80s sex-themed rockers, WASP.

Little did he know, he’d named his band after the single most annoying creature on this planet.

This afternoon I had the misfortune to be stung by one of the little fuckers.

Right out of the blue one of them was attached to my index finger, writhing around in pleasure and probably smiling as it pumped its waspy venom into me, like some sort of black and yellow porn star.

How had I annoyed it?

Good question. It clearly just didn’t like the look of me. Or perhaps it had heard me make a derogatory comment about rain forest enthusiast and King of the Wasps, Sting.

Either way, it’s dead now. I stood on it repeatedly after brushing it off me.

I’ve used vinegar and aloe vera on the affected area and now smell like a herbalist’s chip shop.